Cole’s Birth Story
Birthing is a crazy thing -- you may go into your pregnancy thinking, like I did, that you will have some sort of control over how it will all go down, but the truth is, that little creature inside of you is calling all the shots and could care less if you had envisioned the most natural and glorious birth for him or her. Another thing you can’t control -- a global pandemic starting two weeks before your due date. Here is our story…
Around the time I hit the middle of my pregnancy, I decided to create a “birth preferences” list.
I already knew from reading many birth stories online that having a “birth plan” may not be the best idea, since you may get very tied to what you want and it could be harder to accept when you have to deviate from that plan mid-birth. Understanding this, a birth preferences list seemed like a better idea, more of a wish list than anything else. Having said that, I now realize that even though I thought I was pretty fluid on how the birth went down, I was still pretty emotionally tied to the idea of a natural birth and recovery. My whole pregnancy had been pretty easy -- no nausea except for 2 weeks in the first trimester, I worked out 4 to 5 days a week (up until about week 39), and I had no food aversions (other than smoothies -- my fav breakfast pre-pregnancy so that was a bit of a bummer!), so naturally I assumed I would be a perfect candidate for a unmedicated vaginal birth. I had read all the natural pregnancy and birthing books to prepare myself for an unmedicated labour, had hired a doula (a trained professional who provides physical, emotional and informational support to a mother before, during and shortly after childbirth), and had lined up all my labour prep acupuncture, labour induction acupuncture, pelvic floor therapy and chiropractic appointments well in advance of my due date. In my head, I totally had this!
Fast forward to week 38 of my pregnancy and the whole world basically went into complete lock down due to the Covid-19 pandemic. All non-essentially businesses in Ontario shut down and social distancing was put into place to help prevent the spread of the virus. Although I had midwifery care, my original plan when I first got pregnant was to give birth at the hospital (Sunnybrook) because my husband Mike was a little nervous about the idea of birthing at the Toronto Birthing Centre or even at home. However as Covid-19 spread, some hospitals began changing their policies around visitors and support persons in labour -- i.e. my husband would not be allowed to stay more than 2 hours after delivery. Once we found that out, we decided right away that the hospital was the last place we wanted to be, especially given the current state of the pandemic, and informed my midwife that we were going to opt for the Toronto Birthing Centre instead. This made me feel a lot better knowing that we had options and were able to avoid the hospital unless absolutely medically necessary. Around this same time all of my appointments for labour induction acupuncture and pelvic floor therapy were cancelled as businesses were forced to close their services. My doula also went from in-person support to virtual support. A lot was changing fast and my anxiety really began ramping up when I started to think about the fact that I would be giving birth in the middle of a pandemic.
At this point, Mike and I decided that it would be best if we self-isolated so that neither of us would risk exposure to the virus before the arrival of our little one, as little was known about the virus at this point in time. As I’m sure any pregnant woman can attest, the last couple of weeks leading up to your due date seems like an eternity, but throw in being stuck in self-isolation and you may literally lose your mind at how slow time goes! When week 40 hit I was getting more and more nervous. I had a list a mile long filled with questions on how the heck I was supposed to bring a newborn into this world all alone, with no help from family and friends, or how I was supposed to keep my baby safe from this virus. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to stay inside my womb where he was safe or if I wanted him to come out before things got worse in the world.
When week 41 rolled around I realized that I definitely wanted him out. Every day the news was reporting that the virus was infecting, and also killing, more and more people. I figured the sooner this baby entered the world, the better. As I entered my 41st week, my midwife suggested that I get an ultrasound to make sure that the baby was doing OK and that amniotic fluid levels were still good. The ultrasound ended up revealing that the little guy was getting big, with an estimated weight of 9lbs 6oz! I was shocked! He definitely did not feel that big, but I had nothing to really base that off of.
After discussing the results with my midwife, she advised that I shouldn't take the pregnancy too much further. So at this point I really started upping all the natural methods to get labour started -- you name it, I did it!
Two days away from hitting 42 weeks, with the baby still not having dropped yet, I resorted to the last natural method I knew of -- drinking castor oil. It’s absolutely awful and guarantees horrible diarrhea but it also has the potential to get contractions going (please do not attempt to do this unless you have spoken to your primary care provider). I spent the entire day in the washroom but labour never started. I definitely felt a little discouraged and wondered if this little guy was ever coming out. After speaking with my midwife about my failed castor oil attempt, she suggested that we try inserting a Foley catheter to see if that would help get me dilated and then follow that with breaking my water the following day. The Foley catheter got me dilated to 3 centimeters and I was thrilled to finally have some semblance of progress. My husband and I went to bed that night excited that the following day we would head to the Toronto Birthing Centre to break my water, get labour started and finally meet our little guy!
The morning of April 14th, exactly 2 weeks overdue, we packed up all of our bags and headed to the Toronto Birthing Centre excited, but also nervous, for the day that lay ahead. Shortly after we arrived, my midwife broke my water, but warned me that if there was meconium in the fluid that we would need to go to the hospital. I crossed all my fingers and toes that there wouldn’t be, but low and behold there was. My heart sank. I was very nervous about going to the hospital where there was a greater risk of being exposed to Covid-19, but we had no choice. We packed up our bags again and headed to Sunnybrook.
Once we arrived at the hospital, my body completely tensed up. Everyone was wearing masks and it felt uncomfortable to get close to anyone. We passed through the screening at the entrance and headed straight to labour and delivery where we were admitted to our own room. Once we got inside the room however, I was finally able to relax a bit as no one other than myself, my husband and my midwife would be entering this room, so it felt a little more safe. By this point, about 3 hours had passed since my water was broken and still no contractions had started. It was time to move to the next intervention I had wanted to avoid -- being induced with pitocin.
After almost 11 hours of being on pitocin I still hadn’t moved beyond early labour. Every time that my contractions would start to get somewhere, the baby’s heart rate would drop to a level of concern and my midwife would have to turn off the pitocin for an hour or more to help him recover, during which time my contractions would completely stop. Just after 10pm my midwife brought in the OB on call and I was informed that they would need to perform an emergency c-section as they were worried about the stress that the baby was experiencing while trying to get the pitocin to work. At that moment I completely broke down. To my surprise, it wasn’t the fact that I wouldn’t be able to bring my baby into the world in the most natural way possible that made me break down, since at this point all I cared about was him coming into this world healthy and safe. It was because I was completely and utterly terrified to have surgery, especially since I knew I would be awake during the entire procedure. I had never had surgery in my entire life and the idea of it was very scary. It took me a while to gain some courage, but after talking to both my mom on the phone and Mike, and also knowing that I needed to do this for my baby, I agreed to go ahead with the c-section.
Once you give the green light for a c-section, things move very fast. Several doctors entered the room, introduced themselves, made a few jokes to make me feel more comfortable, then they went over all of the details of the surgery to make sure I knew exactly what was going to happen. Even though I had never met any of these doctors before, they made me feel very safe and I didn’t worry for a second about my safety or the safety of my baby. Mike and my midwife also sat with me the whole time holding my hands, making me feel even better about the whole thing. I was then whisked away in a wheelchair to the operating room where all of the doctors I had just met were waiting for me with warm smiles on their faces which definitely helped ease my anxiety (technically speaking they were all wearing masks so I couldn't actually see their smiles, but I knew they were smiling because their smiles reached their eyes). I found out once we entered the room that Mike wouldn’t be allowed in until after I had been anesthetized and the surgery had already begun but thankfully my midwife was there with me and she held my hand while the anesthesia was administered and the surgery started. Mike entered the room shortly after they started the surgery and I was relieved to be able to hold his hand and look into his eyes.
The whole operation lasted just under an hour and it was a bit different that I had thought it would be. Although my mom had two c-section deliveries, she never mentioned much of the surgery to me other than the fact that your whole lower half would be frozen while you would still be awake. I always assumed that this meant you would feel nothing from the chest down. To my surprise, that wasn’t exactly true as you do feel some stuff, mainly a decent amount of pressure, but nothing I couldn’t handle. I later found out from the doctor who was operating that there was even more pressure than normal because they were having a really hard time getting him out, even with it being a c-section, and they ended up having to use suction.
As soon as the doctors finished assessing Cole after he was born, they put him on my chest with the help of my midwife who held him there for me while they finished closing me up. I was immediately overcome with so many emotions as I held my little baby boy. He was finally here and nothing else mattered. He was perfect. Mike and I just stared at him in awe while my surgery was being wrapped up.
My sweet little sunshine baby was born on April 15, 2020 at 12:13am weighing 8 pounds 1 ounce.
Mike had to unfortunately leave 2 hours after the surgery due to Covid-19 rules, which truly broke my heart, while I spent the next 32 hours alone at the hospital with Cole. It was hard not having Mike there with me to soak up all that newborn bliss but I definitely took advantage of spending almost all of those 32 hours with Cole on my chest, skin-to-skin, bonding in the most beautiful way. When we were finally all reunited once I was discharged, I was overcome with joy to be together as our new little family.
As I said, birthing is a crazy thing. Despite your best laid plans, things may not end up being perfect, but all that matters when your little one arrives earth side is that they are healthy, safe, and in your arms. I am so beyond grateful to have Cole in my life and in my arms, and I don’t regret any part of his birth story.
